Rules 1 through 10

1. Get your tailored clothing (e.g., suits, sport coats, trousers) professionally altered by a trained tailor. This rules out most dry cleaners.

2. And yes, men wear “trousers,” not “pants,” and certainly not “slacks.” The only exceptions to this nomeclature are the names of certain species of trousers that have specific traditional fabrications or uses (e.g., chinos, khakis, plus-fours, jodhpurs, jeans, dungarees, etc.).

3. You know that little label (or labels) sewn to the left sleeve of a suit or sport coat (and sometimes overcoats), the one that has the maker’s name on it or says something like “100% Cashmere”? You do? Good, now listen up: that label is meant to be removed when the garment is altered—it is only placed on the coat to make it easier to see which company made it, or what the fabric is, while the coat is hanging in the store. That’s why it is lightly tacked and not sewn down. Leaving it on the jacket, or even worse, having it sewn on more securely, is the indelible mark of a complete twat.

4. Pocket squares should never extend more than one inch above the breast pocket (and if square-folded white linen, preferably half an inch).

5. Wearing an expensive pen in the outside breast pocket of your suit or sport coat marks you out as an ass.

6. Pleated trousers should always be cuffed. No exceptions.

7. Forward pleated trousers are more flattering than reverse pleated trousers. Just make sure they fit correctly.

8. Pleated trousers should be worn at the waist, not the hips. If worn at the hips, the pleats will gap and you will look like a clown.

9. Buttoning jackets: Single-breasted two-button: button only the top button. Single-breasted three-button: if the jacket rolls to the middle, only button the middle button; if the jacket rolls to the top button, throw the jacket away and buy one that rolls to the middle. Single-breasted one-button: it had better be a dinner suit, else you’re a twit. Double-breasted: if six-button, two-to-button, only button the top button; if it’s anything else, throw it away and buy a six-to-two.

10. Skinny jeans: if you are not in a band and under the age of 25, don’t.