Rules 19 through 25

19. The “fauxhawk” is the new mullet. That means if you have one, you are, ipso facto, a douche.

20. Approach hats with caution—some men can pull them off, but most of us look ridiculous.

21. If you wear Crocs, you deserve to be ridiculed.

22. When wearing a suit coat or sport coat, the sleeve of your shirt should extend at least ¼ inch past your jacket sleeve.

23. Unless they are of reverse-calf (suede), your dress shoes should be polished. Always.

24. Unless you are a jazz musician, shave that “soul patch,” you look like an idiot.

25. When wearing a suit, it is never acceptable to wear sneakers and then change into dress shoes when you arrive at your destination. If your dress shoes are that uncomfortable, buy new ones that fit correctly, you pillock.